i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
