Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
