why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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