I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
