Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
