idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
