what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
