You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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