Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
