You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Mom said you looked used
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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