ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
