O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
