My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
