He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
