There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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