I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There r osticjed everywhere
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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