6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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