i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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