i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
