Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
did you just send me my own nude
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
