Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
