My first STD was from a foam party
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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