White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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