Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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