so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
