How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
