He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
