Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
