I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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