You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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