if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
