It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
