god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
