My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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