rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
