wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
