I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
