he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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