it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
