i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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