The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
