Kiss
Puke
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
should my penis look like a turkey
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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