His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
