and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
