is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we're so committed to being not committed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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