i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
