ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
