I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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