Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
