Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
