A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
