i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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